This! Is exactly this what I feel about getting older... The mental process is better, less insecurities, less indecisions, more 'I do not care', more 'fuck it I will do it', more and less everything!
One the other hand, looking at the mirror and not feeling the age you supposedly have, don't understanding why now I have some marks on my face or why this number correspond to my age because I don't feel it...

By the way visit ZARA website (https://www.zara.com/pt/pt/mulher/timeless-c797510.html) and check 'Timeless'. I love the fact they hired non-formatted models, older, and 'funny' teeth's models, etc. Love the fact ZARA have this video on their website. Zara is promoting itself to a wide population of women who doesn't feel equal to standards models.

And enjoy the rest of your day!

Do you know the test of 16 personalities?
In theory, everyone can be resume to 16 types of personalities!
You can check it out here: https://www.16personalities.com

This test can analyze your personality over a few questions, about everyday life issues.
Funny fact, I made this test twice with two states of mind, and got the same result: Advocate!
Incredibly I agree with my result and honestly think is a honest resume about my personality!
Everyone I know who took this test, agree with the result. :)

And have you taken this test? Do you agree with the result? Which personality you got?
And enjoy the rest of your day!

Today's post is a mix between 'Preview' and 'Fourth Music', because I will show you the music of Ricardo Má Sorte, but also inform you he will give a concert on next saturday, september 30th in Setúbal (Portugal).

Ricardo Má Sorte will launch his album in Setúabl at Decibel bar around 22h.
Whom doesn't know Ricardo, he is also a tattoo artist in Domus Studio, but he is also a musician and his album is totally in portuguese.

The lyrics were written in collaboration with Tvfer, another artist/illustrator that I like a lot.
I like very much the fact that these songs are in portuguese and I invite you to listen.








Ricardo has been invited everyone to show up to his concert. Come on! Show up and support portuguese music.
And enjoy the rest of your day!

Because people have been asking me to show this tattoo, finally I'm writing about it!
I admit I didn't shown before because is so hard to take good pictures of myself and exactly to my right arm! So I was delaying this day... But is one of my favorite tattoos :D

Most of people doesn't like the tattoo at first, I don't know why!
However creative people tend to love and the general comments are "Brutal" or "It's so beautiful!". I think is related to people's creativity. Nevertheless, I've some colleagues that didn't like it at first now is one of favorite of hers.
This tattoo is very simple, only two humpback whales, but what makes it special is the style of the tattoo.
The tattoo artist was Luis Azare, who have a very unique style of tattooing. Since I saw his work of a shark I knew I want this tattoo made by him.
Luiz Azare prefer to work on peoples face and black and white, so if you want something like that check his work and contact him.



At this moment I have more than 20 tattoos, most of them related to animals/nature, but each one of them in a very unique style.
13 is not a big number but some are big and occupy lots of skin.

And enjoy the rest of your day!

Today I wake up and felt younger than I really am.
In fact, I fell younger for several years. I feel like I'm 28 years old... But I'm 38 and is such a strange feeling to have more years than you think and feel and see in the mirror.
No one say I am almost 40 and I am a bit scared of that number.


Today I decided to wear a bit of lipstick. Its been so long since I did it :)

And enjoy the rest of your day!

Since 2015, yes 2015 (see post, here) that I want to see the Roman gallery o Lisbon. After failed attempts I managed to get on ticket to next Saturday.

The gallery will open to public on 22, 23 and 24th of September, but be aware you need to reserve your ticket vi Lisbon Council website (here: http://galeriasromanas.cm-lisboa.pt/) but at this moment is sold out.

To get ticket to another occasion, I advice you to follow Lisbon Council facebook, because their advertise the opening there.



And enjoy the rest of your day!

First of all I warn you all this post is very personal and negative... Whom doesn't want to read such type of post, feel free to leave. I didn't write it seeking compassion or sympathy, I just did it has a part of my personal process I'm going through at this point. I'm putting my cards on the table and showing my heart to the world.

"...it was a dream to have children, particularly a daughter. But some dreams never come true. In order to keep moving, you have to gently send them off into space and move onto new dreams."

I read this and immediately started to cry. I confess I feel like a liar because I always told everyone I didn't want kids but a year ago my body changed and my biological clock is ticking wild!
This was written by a disable artist (see more here: https://www.boredpanda.com/illustrations-orphan-disease-hibm-kam-redlawsk/) and the drawing is part of a series of her illustration about her dreams. I related so much to her because of my stutter and the fact I don't feel a normal person because of that.
I don't consider myself as disable no, but I always saw myself differently in a negative way... I admit I have periods which I hate myself, I don't accept myself as a person, as a woman...
This new feeling of want to be mother, reveled terrifying! The best description of it is: I feel like I've an ax on my chest, constantly. I even can see it when I see myself in the mirror. Just feel it!
In the beginning I managed to deal with it and worked harder and got involved in so many projects, that I didn't have the time to think about it. Over time, became unbearable... Even pictures of couples, pregnant ladies or babies are unbearable and I just want to scream and cry...
I know that I push people away, I can't make one relationship to work out and I may not have children on my own.
In the end of August I decided it was time to seek professional help and I started psychotherapy. The first session was horrible! I think I never cried so much in my life and even had admitted so much stuff to someone. Although it was good, obviously I felt vulnerable by the fact one person knows so much about me.
But was also liberator and I managed to clean some ideas in my head and decided to take action. I don't like to procrastinate and I always like to be the one who take action, to make it happen. So I started to unfollow people and artists on instagram, removed some friends on facebook and contacted one of my favorite tattoo artist to schedule a new tattoo.
To tell the truth I feel like I lied to myself over 38 years about children! Now I know I simply rationalized the all question and took the decision with the facts and knowledge I had back then. But now I look back and see all the opportunities I missed, everything I've done that now I would like to change and I can't. And I feel awful, stupid and horrible! The urge to cry is constant over this idea...
I want to forgive myself for all the bad and good decisions I took in my all life and be able to move on.
I want to be able to accept myself, my flaws, features and crazy manias I know I have. But you know its harder then you think... Specially when you heard your all life, that you are strange, you are this and that, and over time you start to think maybe the idea the world have of you must be right? How came everyone can be wrong? Maybe I'm the one wrong...
Deep down I wish I could go back in time, to the time I was happy and careless. But that is not possible and nowadays I have a huge consciousness about my body, my person and my presence in the world, like I never had before...

Whom may stick to this post and got here, may be thinking "Why don't she adopt?"
I thought about that, I just don't know if I have the mental, physical and monetary strength to educate a child on my own. And I would like to have the opportunity to raise a child with another person. Maybe one day, but for now that is not an option.

For those who follow my blog over this years, this space always was very cheerful and positive. I shared music, art, inspiration and creativity, but over time grow up with me and its a part of my life and I share here so much mor than I thought I would do it.
I never shared such a personal post, a couple of weeks I wrote my first honest and personal post and after a while I erase it because I felt vulnerable and I like to think I'm made of steel that nothing beats me down... silly me! Nobody is perfect, nobody is always happy. Everybody has low and high moments in life. But I never shared my negative thoughts here. And now I want to be different and show people that is ok to feel bad. Its normal and social networks tende to make people think everyone is happy and its not true.
I want to show people there is nothing to fear about unhappiness, being vulnerable and admit that we all make mistakes.

For those who read this giant post, thank you for stick around and I don't need comments! Didn't wrote it seeking support.
But fear not, will not be many post like this. Is tremendously rare I feel like this and I get up really quick!
I know this post feels super negative but its how I feel now and talking about it like this will make me some good.

Who didn't like it, can unfollow me, my blog, my facebook and instagram.

Everybody knows I love to learn new stuff right?
So back while I sign up to make a new workshop, of ceramic but because of several mix-matchs I never made it, until September 11th. I love it so very much!
Made two small pieces, one plate with a shape of a leaf and another piece that I can't describe... I made it just to experiment new techniques.

This workshop was given by the girl behind Circulo Ceramics, a very sweet and talking,  at VOLTA Oficina Criativa, in Lisboa - LX Factory.
I enjoy it so much I even got the urge to make new piece of my own.




 


I take this opportunity to let you know that VOLTA Oficina Criativa has several flash workshops running throughout the year.
And enjoy the rest of your day!

And enjoy the rest of your day!